The degree to which anyone “gets over” anything is directly proportional to the value one has placed in what or who has changed, happened, abandoned, died, left, hurt or snookered someone.
The more valueable the loss, the more it takes to never quite get “over it.”
I remember friends who lost a son in a car wreck being told “It’s been six months…get over it” by the minister. Between that and “be thankful you have more children” (the lost a second son a few years later), “you’ll see them again in the kingdom,” and “God lost his son too,” they just about lost their minds with grief.
The “God lost his only son too” was the ministerial crack that caused the mother to yell back, “NO!, Jesus got to come back better than ever in three short days. My daughter is DEAD. Jesus was a weekend inconvenience for himself and God.” Whew…. now there is a piece of theology born from loss.
I can’t say I have gotten over WCG. It got into my DNA. I can’s say I’ve gotten over ministering. But I think less and less about it. I have other issues in life I am “trying” to get over and sometimes don’t do so well with it because of the value placed on the loss.
So, IMHO, we need to be careful in expecting others to process our “get over it”s the same way we feel we have.
I noticed this woman was a mere 13 when the church snagged her imagination, hopes and dreams. Pretty tender years and her investment was heavy and from a young age.
That makes getting over it harder I think than someone who came from another faith to compare it to and move on.
I long ago and certainly for sure now, have given up telling people to “get over it.” We all simply have the right and no choice really to process our losses as our chemistry, hurt, pain and the value of that which was lost dictates.
“He will have no mercy who shows no mercy,” seems appropriate even from where I seem to be in my beliefs/no belief moments.
—Dennis Diehl commenting on Gavin’s blog rightly refuting the notion from XCGers when they scream “Get over it!” to their former counterparts experiences in their own respective groups.