Intelligent quote of the day

den2The degree to which anyone “gets over” anything is directly proportional to the value one has placed in what or who has changed, happened, abandoned, died, left, hurt or snookered someone.

The more valueable the loss, the more it takes to never quite get “over it.”

I remember friends who lost a son in a car wreck being told “It’s been six months…get over it” by the minister. Between that and “be thankful you have more children” (the lost a second son a few years later), “you’ll see them again in the kingdom,” and “God lost his son too,” they just about lost their minds with grief.

The “God lost his only son too” was the ministerial crack that caused the mother to yell back, “NO!, Jesus got to come back better than ever in three short days. My daughter is DEAD. Jesus was a weekend inconvenience for himself and God.” Whew…. now there is a piece of theology born from loss.

I can’t say I have gotten over WCG. It got into my DNA. I can’s say I’ve gotten over ministering. But I think less and less about it. I have other issues in life I am “trying” to get over and sometimes don’t do so well with it because of the value placed on the loss.

So, IMHO, we need to be careful in expecting others to process our “get over it”s the same way we feel we have.

I noticed this woman was a mere 13 when the church snagged her imagination, hopes and dreams. Pretty tender years and her investment was heavy and from a young age.

That makes getting over it harder I think than someone who came from another faith to compare it to and move on.

I long ago and certainly for sure now, have given up telling people to “get over it.” We all simply have the right and no choice really to process our losses as our chemistry, hurt, pain and the value of that which was lost dictates.

“He will have no mercy who shows no mercy,” seems appropriate even from where I seem to be in my beliefs/no belief moments.

—Dennis Diehl commenting on Gavin’s blog rightly refuting the notion from XCGers when they scream “Get over it!” to their former counterparts experiences in their own respective groups.


6 thoughts on “Intelligent quote of the day

  1. My father, a non member, died in 1965 when I was 11. I can clearly remember my mother putting on that stoic face, never publicly showing any grief. In 1973, my 23 year old brother died, and again, very little emotion. I know that inside, she was stricken with sorrow, yet it was the WCG way, you just had to suck it up, like you could really find solace in knowing you’d see them again in the “kingdom.” I came to resent her, I WANTED to see her grieve. As a kid, I equated emotion with how much you really loved someone, so I grew up thinking she really didn’t love them. Of course I was wrong. I have come to the realization that cults take away your emotion process. You are trained to be monotone and level. It’s all about the control. I was too rowdy, I never felt like I ever fit in. Good thing.

  2. Cults do interfere with emotional processing by the use of overbearing top heavy church government and rigid, tight controls by the pastor or his subordinates.

    The WCG kept a tight lid on things when emotions should have been naturally and spontaneously expressed, as when grieving. Another idex of control is the ordered clapping or not to a speaker or performance. The cult drew on hysterical fear and end of the world survival reactions by interpreting the prophets, Matt 24, and Revelation to get the control they wanted.

    Even if we can’t get over it, and maybe we shouldn’t get over the emotional abuse masquarading as brotherly love in the COGs. In time God will heal all wouunds.

  3. Great last line Anonymous! Just do me a small favour which I ask all who comment here. Please, kindly make up a usernamene. Thanks. 🙂

  4. Good to hear someone say “I long ago and certainly for sure now, have given up telling people to “get over it.””…

    I’ve seen plenty of people try to tell others they need to get over their wcg experience.

    Nice to come across a former minister who has stopped telling others what to do.

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