You might have grown up in the WCG if…

You met your friendly neighbourhood Officer Smith who visited your school frequently (to talk about safety, crime and staying out of trouble) was  doing a display at the local shopping mall. It was Christmas season and you we’re trying to explain to Officer Smith that you didn’t keep Christmas, mom seen you (and was definitely embarrassed of her belief) and suddenly grabbed you away from the Officer.


Your associate pastor came to see you mom for a visit. He said to my mom about me and my brother, “Be on the watch for masturbation!!!” He couldn’t care less that I was 15 year old naturally horny teen. He probably was more worried about that than me having “pre-marital” sex.


Approximately at that same age of 15 you lectured by a church member when you questioned you pastor’s disapproval of the movie Gremlins. “When you question a minister of God, you life is on the line!!!” Someone should have told this cruel self righteous creep to go to hell himself.


You had to face members who were pure fanatics against any science fiction. One woman hated Star Wars 99.99999% as she exclaimed and that was THE LAW OF GOD! One guy said the 80’s miniseries V was “dangerous”. Were do these joyless nuts come from? At least some reasonable members gave me a feast gift of H.G. Wells’s science fiction collection but that anti V guy advised not for me to take it to the feast because that too was “dangerous”.


Your brother chided you for reading an article in youth magazine in the voice of World Tomorrow presenter Dave Albert.


A church essay contest came up, you decided to write one.  You mentioned Mr.T. (yeah that guy of the A-Team fame). You were impressed with his attitude (in retrospect, you discovered that his love and care of children was more  Christian than some people in the historic WCG). You mom saw what you written and said, “TAKE THAT OUT ABOUT MR.T.”  As John Stossel would say, “Give me a break!”




My mom was visiting my teachers in grade school. She made clear that she did not want me to participate in those activities (you know the pagan holidays and celebrations—Valentine’s Day, Easter, Halloween, Christmas, the whole nine yards).  One of the teachers, who was ultra conservative evangelical Christian, dared to quote the verse, “We are in the world but not of it.”


Therefore, one of the teachers (a truly ultraconservative control freak and autocrat), gleefully and joyfully did NOT give me the traditional doughnuts for my birthday that year.


I was a zealous 11 or 12 kid who was read Bible stories in class but who wanted to bring the WCG “Bible Story” to class to read it. I brought a few books to class but that same ultra conservative evangelical Christian teacher stopped me in the tracks and made a silly excuse that the reason I couldn’t read it because it wasn’t “King James!” I can hear Aggie somewhere roar with laughter.


You pastor had to rub it in saying he wanted more hard facts than preaching in a book report that he assigned for the local YOU.


You associate pastor who was a critique and faultfinder of any and everything looked at your school newspaper and said it was too preachy.



Your colleagues at school was saying that your school newspaper was too much like the Plain Truth (and you know that was a bad thing).


You think it’s over??? It’s never over. There will be more to come!








4 thoughts on “You might have grown up in the WCG if…

  1. “but that same ultra conservative evangelical Christian teacher stopped me in the tracks and made a silly excuse that the reason I couldn’t read it because it wasn’t “King James!” I can hear Aggie somewhere roar with laughter.”

    Or kinda grin weakly. Ouch, Felix, I think I resembled that remark. 🙄 Come to think of it, I think I still have my NKJV somewhere….even though both the converted parent and the Xtian bookstore clerk were trying to convince me to buy an NIV on that particular Feast shopping trip…..Yup I was nuts. 🙄 (Mind you, I still prefer reading the NKJV, for all my atheist needs. That oughta speak volumes…..)

    Interesting how things varied, from congregation to congregation. Most of my congregation were ultra-conservative hardliners (wear 100% cotton, don’t mix meat and dairy, to name a couple oddities; oh and white sugar and refined flour were demonic), but almost everyone was into Star Trek or Star Wars tho.

    Gremlins was out in our neck of the woods too, however. Definitely The Exorcist and Poltergeist and The Godfather fell into those categories as well.

    I don’t the “all one body we” was actually consistent, from one congregation to the next, no matter how loudly we sang.

  2. Fascinating, since my longtime WCG/UCG Pastor admits he’s a big Star Wars fan — and sometimes borrows characters for illustrations in sermons.

    1. At least you got a pastor who is grown up and intelligent enough to understand that imagination is not a dirty word, unlike the common culture in the XCGs past and present.

  3. Scales fell from my eyes in shame when I watched Cry Freedom, probably in ’89. I was a Sauline Anglo-Israelite. Even so, it took another 6 years (about the time In The Name Of The Father ripped another witless membrane from my vision) for the last vestige of AI to be stripped from me by the superb demolition job done in the WN. I wept for the loss of identity. Now I only have identity in Christ. God bless you. Martin

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